


Home Sweet Home

by OhNoHello



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Crack, M/M, Sibling Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, hoarder house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28186527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhNoHello/pseuds/OhNoHello
Summary: Now that Zagreus is dating Hypnos, Hermes thinks it might be a good idea to see the chaotic hell house Hypnos shares with his brother.
Relationships: Charon/Hermes (Hades Video Game), Hypnos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 220





	Home Sweet Home

**Author's Note:**

> We interrupt our regularly scheduled program for this nonsense. 
> 
> So like. .. all my WIPs are some form of sad or another, so I soaked myself in some innocuous fluff for a day and this came out
> 
> I just love the idea of shut in scrub Charon sharing a home with his floppy hot mess of a brother Hypnos and it's just mass chaos but they love each other and take care of each other . . . ;a; 
> 
> I may or may not have fallen for the zagnos ship IT'S SO CUTE
> 
> [LOOK AT THIS MAGNIFICENT ART PACHIMATION DREW BASED ON THIS FIC AAAAAAHHH](https://twitter.com/pachimation/status/1344349838167715840?s=19)

The crisp rapping of rapid fire knocking jolted Zagreus from the quiet of his morning. His head whipped from the eggs burning on his stove to his front door. Giving up dreams of a reasonable breakfast, Zagreus left his still burning stove to answer the relentless knock. It did not stop until he opened the door. 

"Hey Coz," Hermes said banally, his fist still moving for two more soundless knocks. "Heard you finally committed to the old man's little brother and started whatever it is you crazy kids call a relationship. Is that coffee I smell?" 

"Uh. . . Hey Hermes." 

Zagreus held the door open just enough to see who was there. Hermes' eyes flicked into Zagreus' apartment, his brows bouncing once and his head jerking towards the interior. 

"Invite me inside." 

"Oh," Zagreus said, stepping aside and opening his door. "Won't you come–" 

"Don't mind if I do." 

Hermes breezed right by Zagreus like he owned the place. He looked around the tiny overpriced apartment. He might have lived in something bigger than the one bedroom one bathroom if his dad helped him out with the bill, but he had come to love it. The cozy couch and ornate bedframe. The guitar he sucked at and the weights he never used. He'd even given it a personal touch with posters of his heroes and a large ornate mirror that had been a housewarming gift. Fondness for his abode left him with a desire to take care of it. He attempted to keep it tidy, save for the bit of clothes here and there and a leftover take out bag.

Zagreus snatched it up from the coffee table and held it behind his back, but Hermes had already seen. He smiled to himself, nodding approvingly, hands in his pockets. 

"Not bad," he said. "Not bad, I was expecting. . ." 

His assessment slid to the kitchen and his smile dropped like a brick. With a click of his tongue, he went to the oven and shifted the charcoal eggs from the on fire burner to the dead one. 

"I see why the two of you are together," he mumbled under his breath. He saw Zagreus' mug of coffee and swiped it. 

"Ah that's my. . ." Zagreus tried to say as Hermes took a sip. "Oh. Okay." 

Hermes sneered and glared into the cup. His face softened, he shrugged, and took another sip. 

"So you and Hypnos then," Hermes said with mirth in his eyes. "Finally bit the bullet and committed, made an honest man out of him." 

"How did you–?" 

"Charon told me," Hermes said with a half shrug. "Not like you can keep any secrets from me anyways." 

Zagreus had been playing a game of hot and cold with the coy Hypnos for the past couple of months, hooking up for the past couple of weeks, and two nights ago they went on their first date. Hypnos insisted he had been the one to ask Zagreus out, but Zagreus knew he'd asked first. He flushed at the memory of their long walk together, hands held and swinging between them, Hypnos managing to stay awake until the small hours of the morning just so he could spend another minute with Zagreus. 

Zagreus' smile held no secrets. 

"Are you here to give me a shovel talk?" he asked. 

Hermes took a loud sip of coffee. He pulled the mug away and smacked his lips once, giving Zagreus a flat look.

"No no naw," he said. "I'll save that honor for Charon. I'm just here to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into, you understand me?" 

"I think I know what I'm getting myself into," Zagreus said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Again, Hermes gave Zagreus a blank stare. He smiled sharply and set the mug down with a quick _clip_. He clapped his hands once and rubbed them together.

"Come on Coz," he said. "Put your pants on. We're gonna go for a field trip." 

Zagreus looked down at the yoga pants he basically lived out of. 

"These are my pants," he said weakly. 

Hermes rolled eyes. 

"I can see why you're together," he said again. 

One outfit change into jeans later, Hermes and Zagreus went walking down the sidewalk. Zagreus thought he was a pretty fast walker, but next to his cousin he was slower than a snail. Hermes, as he was wont to do, talked the whole way. Zagreus could barely get a word in, but he was always glad to listen to Hermes' running narrative. He always seemed to learn something new about some subject or another and Hermes seemed to be able to talk about nothing at the same time. 

"And then that's when she screamed, but I don't really understand it. It was just a carp. If she didn't like the whiskered little bastards she shouldn't have been on the boat in the first place. Damn woman couldn't even fish, not a bite all day long. You like fishing don't you Coz? You get it right? Oop, here we are." 

Before Zagreus could answer a single question about fishing, they stepped up to an apartment complex Zagreus had never seen before. A beautiful array of high end townhouses all lined up in a neat little row, daisy chained with their own individual steps up to individual doorways with individual parking spaces. Zagreus recognized the giant boat of a car that Charon drove into work everyday and the sad little scooter Hypnos wasn't allowed to drive anymore. Not after the near accident where he fell asleep at the handlebars. 

Hermes skipped up the steps and Zagreus followed close behind, taking in the drawn window shades on the top floor and the half covered windows in the downstairs. Hermes knocked on the door with the same vivaciousness he did Zagreus' door. By the time Zagreus joined his side, the front door creaked open like a coffin. 

Charon _was_ the finance department at his father's firm. He posed a frightening figure and at first Zagreus was (rightfully) intimidated. But the giant of a man had been surprisingly helpful, siding with Zagreus on the sly, helping him with the ins and outs of corporate life. Short cuts and little helpful hints that stopped Zagreus' near immediate termination. 

Charon glared into the blinding sun, but at the sight of Hermes his face lit up. In the way Zagreus had seen only a handful of times at family reunions and corporate events. It had been a bit of a surprise at first to learn Charon and Hermes were dating, they tried to keep it on the down low, but they weren't exactly subtle. 

"Hey boss," Hermes said with unmistakable fondness. "Sorry to drop by but we were just in the area and–" 

Charon leaned down out of the door like a great monster from a bog and planted a brief kiss on Hermes' lips, the only thing that could shut the motor mouth up. He laughed into the kiss. 

"Hey. Hi. Good to see you too," he laughed. "We have company, big man." 

Charon finally noticed Zagreus standing there and all but jumped away from his romantic partner in surprise. Zagreus raised one hand. 

"Hey mate," he said. 

Charon rose to his full height, all but disappearing into the dark of his home. The CFO Zagreus knew was all tailored suits and ornate jackets, dressed to impress that only added to his frightening visage. This Charon, Charon at home, was entirely different. Dressed in sweats and a hoodie, with the hood up and drawstring sinched. The sweats were too short for his long legs and stopped well before his ankles, showing off bare feet. Despite all that, he still wore the gold bracelets, necklaces, and rings he was known for in a contradictory contrast of scrub and lux. A half smoked cigarette burned between his fingers. 

Zagreus felt a bit like he was intruding. 

Charon's steely gaze fixed him in place and he slowly turned to look at Hermes. 

"Given that my kin is dating your kin now, I figured it might be best to introduce him to the _hell house._ "

It was a 50/50 chance that Hermes picked up the mannerism of the stone faced glare from Charon or the other way around. They stared each other down until Zagreus felt uncomfortable. Charon took a drag from his cigarette and Hermes grinned. 

"C'mon boss man," Hermes said. "You know it's true, the two of you live in a pit and Zag here has a right to know. Better to just throw him in head first and see if he sinks or swims ."

Charon sighed out smoke and held the door open as welcome. 

The . . . habitat behind the door could only be best described as full. Immediately in the doorway were two tall towers of boxes, neatly stacked from the floor and wedged into the ceilings. They were all labeled in a terrible scrawl that seemed to be more of a code than actual words. Papers stuck out of corners and Zagreus could see haunted eyes from a photograph staring through a handle. A path wove through the apartment, lined by more debris. Bags of unknown origin, one of which was a bean bag. Display cases that were filled to bursting with chachkies, gold and ceramic figurines pressed against the glass. Bookshelves held some books among the odd paraphernalia of 20 different hobbies. In the corner of the main hall was a mountain of blankets and stuffed animals and pillows. Another was erected at the base of the stairs. Another deeper in the main room. Plants hung from the ceiling, stood tall in the corners, had display shelves of their own. How they were still alive, Zagreus did not know. One such ficus had a string of beads twisted around its base. The path continued into what probably was once a spacious kitchen, but was instead was filled with more plants, more paper, and what looked like a marble statue. That morning's breakfast sat half eaten on an overly cluttered table with a special spot cleared for eating. The apartment draped in darkness as Charon closed the door, all the windows having been blocked by shelving, plants, blankets, or an assortment of all three. It smelled of must and cigarettes and something round and questionable. Like a library had a baby with a night club.

"Wow," Zagreus said quietly. 

"I know right?" Hermes said. "They live like this. They _actually_ live like this. One is bad, but both of them feed off each other. All their shit just gets entangled with one another and it's impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. And don't even try to clean any of it up otherwise you'll mess with Charon's 'system.'" 

Hermes' air quotes hit violently in the air. Charon groaned unpleasantly and followed the path into the apartment. He plucked a gold and wood boat shaped ash tray from the tiny space above a display case and extinguished his cigarette. 

Zagreus stood frozen in the foyer. He leaned into one display case, trying to decide what animal the heart in a jar came from. 

"Where's our favorite little rat baby anyways?" Hermes asked, practically dancing after Charon. 

"Hey!" Zagreus protested. 

Charon looked around the main room at the lumps and piles and heaps of sheets and laundry on the floor and shrugged. 

"You lost him again?" Hermes asked

"Again!?" Zagreus asked. 

Charon feebly pointed up the stairs as a suggestion. 

"Shall we go check?" Hermes asked, half bowing at the base. 

Zagreus nodded dumbly and Hermes led the way. 

The stairs were darkened without any lighting, cutting through the center of the home. Like everything else in the town house, it was cluttered with _stuff_. Hermes scooped up a stuffed animal on the way up. 

"Rrrggh," Charon rumbled from the base of the staircase. The growl echoed off the walls and they practically shook. 

Zagreus whirled. Charon lit up another cigarette and the glow from his zippo only added to his intimidation. 

"Oh? This one's yours?" Hermes shook the stuffed bull in the air. "You know this new stuffed animal collection of yours is really weird. And collecting collections is _not_ a thing. Just admit you're a hoarder already." 

"Hhnnggh," Charon grumbled and waved him off, walking out of view. 

"Love you too, dearest," Hermes sang, but he placed the bull back on the stair. "Give the stuffie to your brother." 

The upper floor was a thin hall made thinner by Charon's 'system.' At one end was the open door to a double vanity bathroom with a shockingly large shower, of course filled with product and more 'collectables.' A small tower of magazines stacked high on the toilet.

What was probably once a door had been replaced with another bookshelf, this one properly filled with books. Zagreus might have mistaken it for the real thing if the false door hadn't been propped open to reveal a room inside. The walls had been painted black and it looked more like the inside of a vault rather than a bedroom. Coins hung from the walls, framed in displays. A dresser lined the corner of the room, gleaming gems and jewelry in open boxes and necklace trees. It was a more organized than the rest of the house, but still claustrophobically cluttered. At least the bed was made. 

Hermes tried the other door. When it didn't budge, he threw his shoulder against it. It opened an inch to let light into the hallway. Another tackle against the door and Hermes stumbled into the second bedroom. 

Beams of sunlight streamed through a crack in the shades, giving just enough to light the room. Just enough for Zagreus to see details. Details that lay strewn about the floor. The second bedroom lacked the shelving the rest of the house had, but that didn't seem to matter. There was an identical lump in each corner of the room, made up of pillows of every variety. Mats, cushions, throw pillows, memory foam. A collection on its own. More plants hung from the ceiling and dead leaves crunched on the floor. A hydroponic tent stood proud against the wall, hissing water and glowing blue. An impressive bong sat next to the bed, along side an array of items of self gratification. Zagreus blushed and looked away, not confident that he should know about those. Yet.

Hermes took a large step over a tray of used dishes and another over a pile of coffee table photography books. He dug through the mountain of comforters on the low lying bed, throwing more pillows over his shoulder, bending deep and practically disappearing into the cavern of cush. He stood up straight and looked to the door. 

"He's not here," Hermes shouted. "Did you try the kitchen?" 

"Kitchen?" Zagreus asked. 

"Hypnos likes to nest," Hermes said, tiptoeing back out of the bedroom. "He has them all over this place. He likes the one in the kitchen when the weather gets cold because the stove is warm. Let him into your apartment and he'll make nests there too. I should know, I have one in mine." 

Hermes hopped the last step and landed with his hands on his waist. 

"I don't know how he got it in there but I've learned not to question it," he said. "This has been my life for the last mmm I wanna say two or three years of my life. I _refuse_ to move in with this but." He shrugged, his expression going soft. "I'm not about to split them up. Welcome to the club, Coz." 

"Heeoorh," Charon called up. 

"Try behind the big bookshelf," Hermes called out, galloping down the stairs. 

"Haaa?" 

"The one with the old dictionary." Hermes landed at the base of the stairs. "No the _other_ old dictionary." 

Zagreus came down much more gingerly in time to see Charon hover over the couch. He jabbed a single strong finger into the blanket nest piled in the center and a familiar yelp came muffled from the epicenter. 

Charon looked up and groaned. 

"Found him," Hermes said. 

The pile moved as one, rising like a great monster from the deep. A particularly fluffy comforter curled and rolled off the top of the mountain. Then another star studded one. Then a pillow. Until a fluffy white mop of hair emerged from the mass, an eye mask underneath floppy bangs. Long bony fingers peeled one eye up to blink blearily up at Charon. 

Hypnos glared at his brother. Sensing another presence in the room, he searched until a half awake eye landed on Zagreus. His face melted into a wide smile and lanky bare arms folded over the back of the couch. 

"Zagreus," Hypnos said, slowly drawing his name out like a song.

Zagreus tried to wave, but could barely raise his arm. His own dopey smile matched Hypnos' lazy one. 

The man had a way of wriggling into all of Zagreus' weakest spots and warming them like a burbling fire. Without raising an arm or having to say a word, he'd have Zagreus on his knees.Those sleepy eyes and pale kissable skin and soft hair and all the little things that drew Zagreus to Hypnos in the first place. 

Hypnos could build a nest wherever he wanted to in Zagreus' precious home. He'd already built one in his heart.

"Hi," Zagreus said weakly. 

Hermes rolled his eyes. 

Charon carefully tilted up Hypnos' chin, drawing Hypnos' attention away from Zagreus. He licked his thumb and rubbed away a smudge of _something_ off his brother's cheek. 

"Hey," Hypnos complained. He flailed his arms in an effort to get Charon to stop. "Hey hey stop! Stop! I'm fine, mother."

Hypnos' lanky limbs smacked into Charon's own until Charon backed off. He huffed once, replacing his cigarette in his mouth. He grabbed one of the water bottles off a shelf and passed it to Hypnos. 

"Thanks," Hypnos croaked and took a large swig. Zagreus watched the lump in his throat bob with each deep swallow. When Hypnos had enough, he pointed the bottle to Charon. "What number cigarette is that?" 

Charon grumbled, but accepted the ash tray Hypnos found in the couch and extinguished a barely smoked cig. 

"Have you gotten out of the house today?" he asked his brother. 

Charon grumbled again. 

"I'm on it." Hermes jolted to action, signaling Charon to come closer. "I can take the old man out for a little walk. Don't make that face, love. You like when I take you outside. Come come let's get you dressed and you can take me out for lunch." 

Hermes pushed Charon up the stairs, the two of them disappearing into it's shadow. He scooped up the bull stuffie on the way up and threw it into Hypnos' room. 

Zagreus turned back to Hypnos. The scrawny man slumped against his fist, cheek squishing, and pulled the rest of his eye mask up with his thumb. 

"And just what are you doing here?" he asked. "Not like I'm not happy to see you but am I still dreaming or something?" 

Zagreus laughed and followed the path to the couch. 

"Hermes wanted me to see your place," he said. "He made it out to be some kind of cesspit." 

"What? This place?" Hypnos held his arms out and wide, the sleeves of his oversized shirt rolling high. Zagreus stared at the exposed collarbone just under a loose neckline. "This place is paradise." 

Hypnos flopped back into the couch, a single long leg flopping over the back of it. Zagreus leaned his hands on the back of the couch and smiled down and the sleep addled man. He lay in a cradle of comfort, swaddled in plush blankets, as if he were wrapped in a cloud. He smiled lazily up at Zagreus, his hands loose and framing his face. 

"I get to live my best life with a brother who takes care of me and my boyfriend is here when I wake up? Who could ask for more?" 

Zagreus pushed down the butterflies. 

"Boyfriend?" he asked with a laugh. "I'm your boyfriend?" 

"You are now right?" 

Hypnos held his arms up, wide and accepting, adding to the effect of his nest and looking like the world's most comfortable bed. 

Who could resist that? 

Zagreus clambered over the back of the couch and flopped into the open arms of his _boyfriend_. Hypnos let out a small _oof_ , his body deflating like a pressed bellows. Zagreus snuggled into his neck, his leg entwining with Hypnos' on the back of the couch. 

"I was so rudely. . ." Hypnos let out a long loud yawn, trying to talk through it. "Rudely woken up. I think I'm going to go back to sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?" 

Zagreus nuzzled in closer, squirming into the rail thin body beneath him that was shockingly comfortable to lay on.

"Yeah sure," he said. 

Hermes' quick footfalls heralded him and Charon down the stairs. Something crunched when he landed. 

"Aw hell," he said. "The couch ate Zagreus." 

Zagreus looked up from his bed to peer over the couch. Charon looked more as Zagreus knew him, dressed in fashionable blacks with gold accents, flowing coat draped over his shoulders. He brushed off a large brimmed hat and slipped it on his head. Without looking, Hypnos waved a hand. 

"Have fun you two," his voice cracked with sleep. 

Charon didn't need to traverse the path, taking a large step to lean over the couch. He pressed a hand into Hypnos' downy soft hair and ruffled the already messy mop into more of a mess. 

"No hinky business," Hermes said, pointing a stern finger. "I swear if we come back and the two of you don't have your pants on its not our fault what we see and I'd rather not have to rinse my eyes with bleach thank you very much." 

Charon mumbled something unintelligible and guided Hermes down the path to the front door. 

"What? If you want to come home to _that_ , you're on your own." 

The door clicked shut and Zagreus was alone with his noodle shaped human pillow. The townhouse dropped into a near silence. The dark that had been initially dreary had a soaking soft fuzz to it that, like Hypnos, coaxed Zagreus into the security of sleep. 

Hypnos grabbed a corner of his blanket and wrapped Zagreus up in his nest. Long arms draped around Zagreus' shoulders and pulled him close, as if he were a stuffed bull. 

"You sure you wanna stay?" Hypnos slurred, one step into dreamland. "In this mess? With me?"

Zagreus pressed his nose just under Hypnos' chin, his eyelids heavy.

"There's no where else I'd rather be."

And he swiftly followed Hypnos, falling deep into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank for indulging me. :') 
> 
> Twitter: [OhNo_Hello](https://twitter.com/OhNo_Hello)  
> Tumblr: [ScrumpyLikesThings](https://scrumpylikesthings.tumblr.com/)


End file.
